Updated: Nov 14, 2018
It was one Thursday afternoon, I turned down the lights, lit some candles and incense after finishing a ritual to cleanse the space, as I hear a knock at the door. I welcome in a beautiful soul, open to leaving behind life as they know it, ready for healing, ready to meet their true self and authentic nature and to be liberated from the perpetual state of suffering created by the shackles of their karma.
I welcome them in. We sit, we breath and drop deeply, by turning all of our senses inwards, arriving into the very moment that's arising right before us, the present. Nowhere else to go, nothing to do, only to be here, right here, with every part of ourselves, exactly as we are.
I begin to build the intensity, guiding them through powerful Breath-work activating the dormant potent life force within them, moving into Kriyas to shift energetic blocks, as we continue merging with powerful mantras. I can sense their energy building, their thoughts dissipating, their sheer will and determination to move beyond the limitations of the body and narratives of their mind, to take back piece by piece the innate power within them, to meet the invincibility of their true self, emerging from the shadows as they arrive into the timeless state. Whilst simultaneously connected to the very core of the earth beneath them, the finite and infinite totally united. We start to shake, as they loose 'themselves' bit by bit, only to find themselves in the empty field of silence. Shaking in ecstasy & bliss.
We continue to dance, stomp, breathe and roar, releasing and dissolving all that's been, to discover all that is, right here, in this very moment. LIFE.
They continue expressing every ounce of their infinite being, through this finite body. I can see the pure joy radiating out of them, through every cell, even if just for moments, glimpses. Here they are, totally free.
It's beautiful, pure magic.
The veil been has lifted, the masks begin to drop, as the illusion of separation begins to shatter...they break down in tears, their heart has opened to truth, they can't hold on any longer, they surrender, giving up the battle against life, the need to control, as everything they thought they were begins to dissolve and crumble before them...I move in and hold them in a warm embrace, as their tears roll down my back.
Then out of the depths of silence comes...I'm sorry.
You better believe it.
Our conditioning runs that deep, the grips are so strong, lifetimes up lifetimes of conditioning implanted into our psyches that tell us, it's not okay to cry. That it's not okay to express our emotions. That it's not okay to be exactly as we are. That it's not okay to heal. That crying is weakness. Even in a safe, sacred, healing space, time and time and time again, the first and often only words to emerge out of a clients mouth in a healing journey are...I'M SORRY.
Well do you know what, I'M FUCKING SORRY, I'm sorry that this world has made you feel like it's not okay to be exactly as you are, I'm sorry that you are so afraid to express your emotions, I'm sorry that you feel the need to apologise for the one thing that can set you free, I'm sorry for all the lies you've been told and for the shackles society has placed upon you, I'm sorry that the system is not designed for us to live an authentic and liberated life of love and truth. Maybe if we born into a different world, we wouldn't have so much un-doing to do, in order to remember who we've been all along. But that's the way things are, which means it's the way they're meant to be. If you look closely enough, even amidst the misery that plagues so many, there is still such immense beauty in it's crazy, human, wild, testing, confusing way. For without it all? The darkness, the pain, the suffering? How could one experience the true joy, bliss and love that we are. It is the very existence of one, that gives birth to the other. It can't be any other way. So whilst I'm sorry for your pain, the same pain, I once experienced. I am here to tell you that it's OKAY, what ever you are experiencing it's okay. You are held. You are loved and wherever you are, it is where your supposed to be. For your evolution. It's okay to cry, to take time out, to ignore that text, cancel that date, quite your job, cut ties with people and do whatever it is you need to do, in order to truly heal. To return to wholeness and discover the true essence of who you are, without having to feeling guilty for it. Without having to feel ashamed. Without having to apologise. Because you are SO worth it and the entire universe is rooted for you, it is fully invested in your evolution. That is how miraculous you are, for you are it and it is YOU. So never say I'm sorry for anything that is necessary, for your healing, your awakening and anything that brings you closer to experiencing the very purpose of your human experience. There may not be many spaces which allow you to heal but mine will always be one of them. A space that welcomes you exactly as you are, in all moments and aims to leave no part unravelled. Whilst being free from all judgement and having nothing but the permanence of unconditional love. So the next time you cry, transcend I'm sorry, lay it down to rest once and for all and dance in the liberation, for the gift of being ONE with all that is. Celebrate your tears without analysing them, or adding a story. Without fixing. Let your sweet tears flow, from the river of your soul. With each tear, you reclaim your wholeness piece by piece, simply by allowing things to be exactly as they are. Rejoice over the courage that it truly takes, to express it all, by moving beyond the fear that's held you captive, to that which has been buried within you for so long.
I love you.